As a parent of a 7 year old daughter and an 8 month old son, I'm learning first-hand how hard it is to watch them grow up. As for my daughter, in many ways, she is still the sweet little girl that I brought home from the hospital. When I look at her, I see the face of that precious little angel with the cherub face and tiny little body that I held so lovingly in her first weeks on Earth. Even today, I still have to make sure that she washes her hair completely, I still have to remind her to clean up her toys, and I'm still hovering over her while she brushes her teeth to make sure that she doesn't miss anything. She is still my little girl who needs her mom. However, when she looks in the mirror, she sees a "big girl". A big girl who can do things for herself, who likes to make her own decisions, and--much to my dismay--doesn't need her mom to hover over her all the time.
Almost hourly, I am reminded of this fact. When I try to brush her hair, I get, "Mooooommmmm! I can do it!" If I even THINK of picking out her clothes, one would think that the world was coming to an end! Just today, while waiting for the bus, I mentioned that tomorrow is school picture day and we needed to figure out what she was going to wear. She rolled her eyes and sighed, saying, "Mom. Don't worry! I've already got it under control!" She then proceeded to tell me exactly what she was going to wear and I have to admit, she has a good plan.
I know that this is all supposed to happen. I know that the development experts tell me that kids struggle for their independence and as they get older, they want to do more things for themselves. Classic jokes about teenagers always revolve around the irony that presents itself when they complain about how stupid their parents are, all while doing stupid things themselves. Kids grow up and don't need their parents any more. I get it! I really do. The problem is how does a parent change the way they see their child? How do you get that vision of the little helpless infant out of your head long enough to realize that they really are capable, independent beings?
I guess the answer to that is that the child itself shows you, with every eye roll or exasperated sigh, that he or she has it under control. From the time that the infant begins to try to wriggle out of your arms to explore the world to the time that they graduate and move out of the house, they chip away slowly at the perception of them as a baby and, much like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis, they show you with extraordinary clarity that they can truly fly on their own.
I can admit that my little girl is really a big girl and that its time for me to back off and let her try out her wings. I'm prepared to allow her to flutter and perhaps to flop a few times before she soars. I just hope that when she does start to fall, she realizes that her mom is here to catch her, patch up her wings, and send her off again. In the meantime, I will relish the moments that she allows me to see the little girl that she used to be. The nights when she wants a story read to her or I hear her ask me to sing her a lullaby. The afternoons that she crawls up to me on the couch and says that she wants to "snugglebuggle" while watching cartoons. Those are the moments when I can close my eyes and pretend that she is still little and still needs her momma. In my mind, I will always have my "baby girl"! I just hope that my little boy doesn't grow up quite as fast!
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